Beauty comes in all shapes and sizes...but healthy doesn't.

Today I have been thinking a lot about my weightloss and why I'm doing it and what it means to me. I'm down 14 pounds as of today!! But it led me to think about health and beauty and the culture I was raised in. So I'm gonna break down this whole idea of beauty and health and the stereotypes that go along with both.


In our country there is a HUGE emphasis on health and beauty....but what is beautiful? If you look in a Victoria's Secret magazine you would get the impression that beauty can only be achieved by sliding into a teeny tiny hot pink bikini. I've grown up in a small town where the "good ole boys" want their ladies to be petite, delicate, and perfect old fashioned housewife material. Though in other areas this "housewife" picture may not be what men look for, they still look for thin/fit women.

I think that it's important to encourage ALL people to be healthy. Healthy food, regular exercise, vitamins, all that jazz. But what I don't understand, is this idea that unless you are a size 2 you aren't beautiful. I think that beauty comes in all shapes and sizes. There are gorgeous women from sizes 0-20 and they all deserve to be told they are. My whole life I have dealt with fighting against the stereotypes of being a "fat girl".

"She's lazy."

"She's got a good face but she really needs to lose weight."

"Look at her legs."

Just the constant whispering that no one thought I could hear that felt like knives in my heart. I don't think people realize the impact that their words can have on another person. Some of the things that people said about me will always haunt me. I can't forget these things. I went on dates and I had a serious boyfriend in high-school, but the majority of people thought I was nice and that was about as far as it went. When my boyfriend and I broke up, things changed. I was lonely and so I wanted to find someone new....
So as a result....I started wearing low-cut shirts. I have big boobs and I felt like that was the only way to be seen as attractive to guys. I did get attention. But none of it was the kind I wanted. Guys would just request hookups and after I would decline their "romantic" advances I never heard from them again. I disrespected myself by wearing those types of shirts because I truly believed that it was the only way for me to get noticed by guys. I felt that way because I grew up with this idea that I wasn't beautiful because I was (at that time) a size 14. It's this same idea that causes young girls to develop anorexia and bulimia and to think that plastic surgery is a must if they have a small chest.

My mother has told me stories about her past. In her teens she was chubby. Early on in college she went on a diet and worked out constantly....she lost tons of weight and worked her butt off at the gym until she had "the V" on her stomach. She told me that after she lost her weight people were kinder to her....that she rarely had to open doors for herself. She was given better service at restaurants and offered jobs purely because of her physical appearance.
I personally think it's a damn shame that job opportunities and the way people treat you depends on what you weigh.

All in all I just really disagree with the way people perceive one another. We shouldn't teach our children to be mean to someone just because they are a little chubby. It's so wrong.

This woman is gorgeous...



But so is this one......

BOTH of those women are stunning. I am losing my weight to be healthy. I want to live a long time and to be able to have a very active lifestyle...but I have finally realized that I am beautiful right now and I will always be beautiful. I am losing weight for my health and for ME in general.

NOT to fit into some mold that Hollywood has created for girls to have to squeeze in to. And I hope that in my life I find a way to let other girls realize this as well.

Here are some tricks I’ve been using so far!!

v Avoid eating anything white. (Potatoes, bread, etc.)

v The first thing I consume every single day is a big glass of ice water.

v I write down everything I eat in a food journal.

v Don’t eat more than 1500 calories.

v Don’t eat after 7:30pm.

v Find a healthy snack that satisfies your craving. I am a big sweet eater so I have some yogurt when I am craving something sweet.

v The only soda that I drink is diet, but I try to avoid it as much as possible.

v Eat lean meats and healthy veggies as much as possible.

v EXERCISE!!!! Get your heart rate up for at least 30 minutes 4 times a week.

v Stay positive. Don’t let yourself get discouraged. You didn’t put the weight on in a month and it’s not going to go away in a month.

The Other "F" Word.

It was 4 weeks ago, in a hot amusement park bathroom with tears and snot all over my face, that I had my moment. I think everyone has a moment in life where they decide to make a change for the better. Mine was to lose weight.
   
 I don't have a memory of being thin and truly confident. I didn't gain weight from having babies or from stress at starting college. Being big is all I've ever known. Sure I've gone through phases where I lost weight. I played 4 years of volleyball in high school. But even then I was bigger than the other girls. I always found comfort in thinking I was a big girl but not that big. Until 4 weeks ago.
   
 I think a common misconception about overweight people is that we know how big we are but we're too lazy to do anything about it. The thing is...I have lived many years of my life in denial. I knew I was big, but I had no idea that I had indeed gotten that big. I avoided scales and mirrors like the bubonic plague and tore the sizes out of my shirts so that I could pretend they weren't really 2X's. I dodged cameras and any event that would require bathing suits or shorts. But when my best friend invited me to an amusement park and I had to literally manipulate my fat in front of 30+ people to get the harness to lock-down so that I could ride a roller coaster, there was nowhere for me to hide.

The following week I laid in bed for most of the daylight hours. I barely touched food and I basically had a 7 day pity party that gave me plenty of time to think. "Why do I eat so much?" (There were times that I would order two different ice-cream desserts from fast-food places to eat in one sitting.) I love food. The taste, the texture is all very enjoyable to me. But I think the reason that I ate so much was because food was my vice. When I got sad, hurt, angry, stressed, it didn't matter, food would be there to soothe me.

So I took a week to pull myself together and then started making a game plan. The day I went to the amusement park...I weighed 306 pounds. My goal weight is somewhere between 130-150 depending on what I look/feel like when I get there. I have a friend who chose to consult a doctor and I followed her example. I made an appointment and after a consultation I was prescribed Adipex. Adipex is medicine that assists in weight-loss. It helps you keep hunger in check and gives you a boost of energy to help workout. It IS a stimulant, which means you have to be very careful about mixing it with caffeine or anything that would further stimulate your heart. This is a prescription medicine and should never be taken without consulting a doctor. (I am not a doctor or certified to advise people in any medical way I am simply telling my own story). I have also been writing in a food journal. This has been extremely helpful so that I can see what I put into my body. I have been eating no more than 1500 calories per day and I have been selective in choosing the foods.
 








I have been dieting and taking Adipex for exactly one week today and I have lost a total of 9 pounds so far. Today will be the first day I will be adding exercise. I plan to get on the elliptical for as long as I can manage and do a few ab exercises. I have a long journey ahead of me but I will be writing all along the way. I hope to inspire some of you to join me and to make the decision to get healthy!!!